P.C.T. (parenthood capability test)

Please answer the following questions as truthfully and honestly as possible.

1. Your 16-year-old daughter comes home with a 24-year-old man with facial tattoos and piercings. She declares her love. You:
a. smile warmly and give them both a hug
b. hire a PI
c. ground her until she's 18

2. You unexpectedly come across an extra $100 in your monthly budget. You:
a. deposit it into a college fund account
b. take the family out for burgers and shakes
c. buy as much meth as $100 will get you

3. During a little league game, a questionable call is made against your son, causing his team to lose. Do you:
a. go out for ice cream
b. scream at the ref
c. scream at your kid

4. You catch your 12-year-old daughter wearing make-up at school after setting the rule that she can't wear it until 13. Do you:
a. ground her for the weekend
b. ground her for a month
c. scrub her face with a washcloth so hard it leaves a scab

5. Your child's first car is:
a. whatever they can afford after working a few summers
b. who really needs a car in petersburg?
c. whatever their little heart desires

6. What do you do with your child's permanent fund dividend?
a. it gets put into a savings account until they're 18
b. let them do whatever they want with it
c. garnish it - after all, they keep eating your food

7. Your child is crying in the candy aisle for a treat. You:
a. say no, but if they behave they will get one next time
b. give them a time-out
c. deliver a wicked spanking right there in the store

8. Your child wants to join girl/boy scouts. You:
a. look into becoming a scout leader
b. are supportive of any extra-curricular interests
c. make fun of them - only nerds are scouts


If you scored mostly a's, you are fit to become a parent. Just remember to go easy on them when they make the same mistakes you did.

If you scored mostly b's, you should wait awhile. Please reapply after working as a nanny for a year, or after a year in retail.

If you scored mostly c's, please get in line to have your ovaries sealed/testicles trimmed.