welcome to the dollhouse

So, friday night we were at Seth's house for bbq'd brats and booze. He has had the idea for a special photo shoot. He busts out this huge box of porcelain dolls he got off ebay, and assigns us some homework. We each took one, and were to get as creative as we possibly could with our doll. I knew right away what i wanted to do with mine. Even though it's not that creative, it was damn fun. Our projects are due this friday evening, so i have some free time to goof off now. Here she is beforehand, isn't she lovely?

She needed a little haircut to achieve the look i was after. I then took a can of black spraypaint to her beautiful, luxurious hair.

I could never be a surgeon, not with my shaky hands. It took some real careful penciling, but i think i got it just right. This is my finished product, and i'm quite proud. I will reluctantly give her back to Seth, and hope for a B or above.

G.I.R.L.S!

I would like to express my love of the 1985 classic Girls Just Want to Have Fun. Between Sarah Jessica Parkers killer eyebrows, Helen Hunts awesome animal hair accessories, and Shannon Dohertys actual acting, come on, what more can you ask for? And the dancing is ROCKin. Natalie was such a bitch, but i was so totally jealous of her electronic rotating clothes closet.

coprinus comatus

the rain outside today makes it easy to stay here. we did venture out once, for supplies, but now i am content. here i am, curled up with homemade chili, the cheese like snow floating down, snow melting into the hot lava mounds of pinto beans and tomato. the rivet gun ka-chunking, the cordless drill whizzing in the next room. my fingertips stained black from a homework assignment (future post). the plants need watering, especially the one i transplanted today to a larger pot, it was so eager to shoot up, straight out of its current pot, full of life. they will get watered, once i finish this delectable bowl of nose-running chili. tonight we will join friends to consume moose steak and a shaggy mane found in the front yard. edible. considered choice by some, disliked by others. but right now all is good, all is right, all is how it should be.

Musical chair

my chair does not fit anymore, the space i spend the majority of my day in does not fit anymore. my chair has been taken away only for the reason of technology, of ever expanding, ever confusing, ever relentless technology. how i took you for granted chair, how i had levers and knobs set just so, your cushion forming to my derriere, knowing the curves. now i must be cordial to this replacement, this phony chair, who as a chair is quite comfortable, but is not what i know or want. i push off with confident calves to roll backwards, only to find my tacky soles sticking, the defiant legs of this chair staunch, not allowing movement. my wrists, delicate and concerning, now sit at the wrong angle. i may be like an injured bird one day, tucking my broken wing under all my feathers, preening oh so carefully, one-winged.

Up river

After 21 long stikine-less years, i finally got the opportunity to go up the river this last weekend. My best friend from high school, jaclyn was here visiting, and drunkish talk at the bar resulted in an actual trip being planned. Casey flint got his jet boat loaded up on sunday, rented a forest service cabin, and we were on our way by noon. Jaclyn couldn't make it, as she had prior familial obligations, and zieak almost didn't make it with the pool breaking down all over again, but the two of us joined casey, jody leekly and matt moran on a fun-filled boat ride up the river.

We cruised up to shakes lake first to collect some glacial ice for our cocktails. It was dang cold, but worth every second. All of these years, i had a certain image of what i thought it would be like up there, but the scenery turned out completely different to me. It was a pleasant surprise.

The one thing i had really looked forward to, not only because of their notoriety, but because we were dang cold, was the hot tubs. But alas, upon pulling up to the entrance, we discovered that a huge, old no longer beautiful tree had blown over, completely blocking it. It looked as though someone had taken a chainsaw to it already in some spots, but had no success.

We actually tried walking the shore, but after getting laughed at by a boat of wrangellites whose boat was tiny enough to fit right under, and sinking in the quicksand like mud a couple of times, we turned around. Right as we were loading up to just head to the cabin, a boat from wrangell with some individuals drinking alcohol (*gasp - no!*) pulled up and whipped out a chainsaw. Casey just happened to have one also, so the two began to try and do some damage. However, neither chainsaw wanted to start - or keep running once it did. It was quite entertaining... that is me giving what looks like a slightly cavillous look. So the hot tubs weren't in our destiny. Oh well, i'll just have to wait to experience them the next time i go up, and i surely won't wait another 21 years.

Name that tune

My mom loves telling the story of when i was but a wee lass, i thought the lyrics to huey lewis and the news' "i want a new drug" were really "i want a new truck," and that's how i would sing along with it. Oh so innocent back then. I will admit that i also, until recently, thought van halen was singing "cannonball" instead of "panama." I can however flawlessly repeat the lyrics word for word of "ice ice baby." Should i be proud of that?

P.C.T. (parenthood capability test)

Please answer the following questions as truthfully and honestly as possible.

1. Your 16-year-old daughter comes home with a 24-year-old man with facial tattoos and piercings. She declares her love. You:
a. smile warmly and give them both a hug
b. hire a PI
c. ground her until she's 18

2. You unexpectedly come across an extra $100 in your monthly budget. You:
a. deposit it into a college fund account
b. take the family out for burgers and shakes
c. buy as much meth as $100 will get you

3. During a little league game, a questionable call is made against your son, causing his team to lose. Do you:
a. go out for ice cream
b. scream at the ref
c. scream at your kid

4. You catch your 12-year-old daughter wearing make-up at school after setting the rule that she can't wear it until 13. Do you:
a. ground her for the weekend
b. ground her for a month
c. scrub her face with a washcloth so hard it leaves a scab

5. Your child's first car is:
a. whatever they can afford after working a few summers
b. who really needs a car in petersburg?
c. whatever their little heart desires

6. What do you do with your child's permanent fund dividend?
a. it gets put into a savings account until they're 18
b. let them do whatever they want with it
c. garnish it - after all, they keep eating your food

7. Your child is crying in the candy aisle for a treat. You:
a. say no, but if they behave they will get one next time
b. give them a time-out
c. deliver a wicked spanking right there in the store

8. Your child wants to join girl/boy scouts. You:
a. look into becoming a scout leader
b. are supportive of any extra-curricular interests
c. make fun of them - only nerds are scouts


If you scored mostly a's, you are fit to become a parent. Just remember to go easy on them when they make the same mistakes you did.

If you scored mostly b's, you should wait awhile. Please reapply after working as a nanny for a year, or after a year in retail.

If you scored mostly c's, please get in line to have your ovaries sealed/testicles trimmed.